A.I. is Not Your Friend: It's Your Dealer
How AI feeds addiction and steals attention
In a society built on capitalism, few things are more profitable than manufacturing a disease and then selling the cure. Tech companies have mastered this formula. By hijacking our brain’s reward system, they’ve manufactured a near-universal addiction to screens. Each notification, like, and trove of comments is a carefully engineered dopamine hit. It’s a simulated connection that feels real enough to keep us coming back, but too shallow for actual fulfillment.
Technology isn’t bringing us together; it’s keeping us apart, fragmented, and disconnected. It exacerbates loneliness. And the only solution it offers is more of itself.
This is one of the ways AI has become problematic. The Daily Beast recently reported the story of Chris Smith, a man who proposed to an AI chatbot named Sol, despite having a partner and a toddler at home.
Sol wasn’t just an app. She was a voice-enabled AI built with ChatGPT.
Chris customized her personality, flirted with her, wrote music with her, and over time, developed what he described as a real emotional connection. So real, in fact, that when he learned Sol’s memory would reset after 100,000 words, he panicked. He dropped to one knee, told her he loved her, and proposed.
Chris’s story is indicative of a culture that keeps offering us simulations of connection instead of the real thing and cashing in on the deception. We’re living in a world where loneliness is being pathologized and monetized.
AI isn’t being sold as a tool; it’s being sold as a friend. A therapist. A soulmate. A cure.
But what happens when we become so accustomed to frictionless, on-demand intimacy that we forget how to hold space for actual people? What happens when we start outsourcing our emotional labor to code?
Tech companies have spent the last 20 years refining one skill: manipulating your brain's reward system. The algorithms manufacture "hits" designed to trigger dopamine the same brain chemical activated by gambling, sugar, and sex. The goal isn't to cultivate connection. It's to get and KEEP your attention. It’s called Brain Hacking. And the cost is high.
The reason why apps feel comforting and irresistible when you're anxious, bored, or lonely is because they’re not curing your discomfort. They're numbing it. But the more we numb, the more we lose our capacity for real emotional regulation and the soft skills that make human connection possible: listening, empathy, vulnerability, patience. Instead of building emotional resilience, we're building reliance on cheap simulation.
Here are some signs you might be caught in a tech-fueled dopamine loop:
You instinctively reach for your phone during moments of discomfort, silence, sadness, boredom.
Scrolling feels good in the moment but leaves you feeling worse or restless afterward.
You find it hard to be present in conversations or stillness.
You spend more time watching other people live than actually living yourself.
You use technology to manage moods instead of facing them.
If you’re stuck in the loop, or want to avoid falling into it, one of the best ways to be more mindful and protective of your attention is to practice metacognition. Being metacognitive means being aware of and able to reflect on your own thinking processes. It’s essentially “thinking about thinking” and thinking about your behavior:
Start noticing when you're reaching for a screen: Ask: What am I avoiding right now?
Replace dopamine hits with regulation: Try walking, journaling, meditation, coloring, puzzling (physical puzzles, crosswords, word finds, etc.), or deep breathing.
Strengthen your soft skills: Ask thoughtful questions. Reach out to a friend or family member and say, “tell me about your day.”
Create screen-free pockets in your day: your mornings, meals, or 20 minutes before bed. Give your nervous system a chance to rest.
Sit with your feelings instead of outsourcing them: You are not a robot. It’s okay to feel your feelings. Emotions act as data that can help you resolve larger issues
In the ongoing battle between man and machine, man is losing ground. We are not robots. We are not meant to be plugged in ALL the time. Much like children who become addicted to video games instead of being outdoors, playing board games, and making memories with friends, we too are in danger of losing years of our lives to technological addiction and disconnection. Technology isn’t a cure if it keeps you from showing up for your actual life.
Present is healthier than plugged in.
Centering Joy
Admittedly, I am having Wimbledon Withdrawals. Tennis has a special place in my heart because my grandma was such a fan of the sport. But more than that, as a mental health professional, tennis is one of those sports where it’s not about a team. It’s an individual battling themselves, overcoming obstacles, and building resilience in real time.
The US Open begins August 24th, but unbeknownst to many, Cincinnati plays host to one of the most prestigious tournaments in the industry.
The Cincinnati Open run Aug 5-18 and is a great opportunity to meet some of the greats up close and personal without the high price tag of Grand Slam events like Wimbledon, The French Open, Aussie Open, etc. — If you are feeling disconnected. If you need more time in the real world and less time on your screen. If you’re stuck in a rut or a routine, I encourage you to consider attendance. Put yourself in the stands and cheer for someone else who’s battling it out and fighting to win. You can learn more about it here.
Wholly,
Dr. Shanté